Ignorantia (Part 1)

A nastily freezing wintry night was shamelessly inciting merciless gusts of wind to penetrate him. The frost. The matter is of no concern to the frost. It aims further, much further. And deeper. It aimed for his roots, letting the wind frolic with his leaves. Ever-frozen convolutions of his brain made him feel like being gradually buried half-alive by crumbs of deadly white snow. Streets – those rows of graves with no deadmen in them, houses – those charnel squadrons of sepulchers with naïve lights inside, town – sterile pale graveyard being in its turn ironically buried under billions of white blank molecules.

Endeavoring not to pay heed to the high wind blowing at his back he struggled to resist the bursts of the gale in his face.

Irritating snowflakes. Boasting. They were too numerous. He never really enjoyed big companies. He could not see his outstretched hand but what would have changed if he could. He’d seen it before. At the end of the day. It appeared quite impossible a task to be set before him – to throw his own hand out of memory.

Too many impossibles. Too many tasks.

Boasting. Showing off. Falling on him and melting, soaking him. A scolding teacher. Not teaching. Simply scolding. Scolding harshly. Why can they not just fall? There definitely was a perfect correctness in them. Calling and screaming symmetry. Cooling transparency and vulgar tracery.

Here they are, his fingers. His lusting fingers. At last they touched the longed-for doorhandle.

R. A. O’Rayne


With Love From Hell to Us

Better than a display, aye?

Since the very appearance of the hellish net, all sorts of hungry, teeth grinding, wild rats, who initially belonged to the depths of the dungeons, have undeservedly found snug burrows, have formed the villages of snug burrows which in their turn formed the countries full of them. These are the countries where every perverse-minded, foolishly pathetic rat finds the likes and its own corner.

This hellish net is better known as the Internet. As everything genial, the internet is bound to do as much damage as it does good, if not much more. More than that I’m convinced that the internet has done the biggest damage that has ever been done to society. The society itself was the one and only engine of the humankind’s evolution, since the immemorial times it has contributed into the development of an individual. But now the internet impersonates all the main regulatory bodies, has a massive impact on almost all spheres of our life and is the most respected judge for, especially, younger generations.

Whatever perverse and rotten thing you might be interested in finding of – you are welcome, Google will do it for you. Any kind of behaviour that would have led you to prison a couple of decades ago, now is appreciated in numerous groups and communities all over the net. The worst things that should be condemned by society are now basically considered normal and thus able to change the society itself. The internet, to my mind, threatens the foundations of morals.

In no way, shape or form I’m trying to minimize all those numerous virtues of the internet. Without any doubts it makes our lives easier and gives us whole lot of possibilities… but! But I think it is the greatest and the worst virus ever. The more information is open to us, the more unnecessary information we get. It kills our lives and makes them shorter if not treated correctly.

Sometimes it might seem to us that it makes time stop but in fact it just makes time fly even faster. So fast that we can’t notice the movement. I’m afraid even to think how many books I would have been able to read if I hadn’t been under the spell of the net. How many fascinating things I could have got to know if I had not just been busy reloading the pages.It requires a great will power to use the internet correctly since its purpose has been forgotten for ever. Different social networks is one of the best and the worst things that could have been ever invented. They were not supposed to waste our time but they do. It is a problem that cannot be solved.

The internet. Disease. In my imagination it is a lantern that casts shadow. The worst present from Paradise, the best one from Hell.

Why am I posting it here? It is one of the main reasons that prevent me from turning my existence into life.

Cheers for reading.

 R. A. O’Rayne.

Depressing Beauty of the World

If I took a map of the world with the intention to mark every place I would love to visit, with a red pencil, it would be much easier to paint the whole map red. Our beautiful but blue planet is so full of theurgic corners and spellful black spots that I can’t but feel indescribably lucky to have been born on the Earth, so happy not to be one of those martians in whom almost nobody even takes trouble to believe (and I must confess – neither do I).

But those picturesque views, crystalline lakes, snakegreen rivers, titanic mountains and salivaless deserts might seem so cruel and merciless if you look at them from a slightly different angle. The world’s immense vagueness – is its greatest beauty and a gift to the whole human race and at the same time its one and only drawback.

At  times I find myself in the mood when every beauteous photograph makes me feel so small, irrelevant and insignificant that I have to admit I am losing that sence of purpose, feeling that there is not really anything worth living for if one cannot feel and touch everything. Our blue dwelling place is so grand and spanless that it is bound to make us feel depressed from time to time and it also gives rise to the problem of choice, one of the greatest problems we are doomed to be followed by from the cradle to the gory bed.

But those moments of incapability pass and fade away and I once again feel ready and eager to explore this planet that was not created to be explored in full.

Thank you for reading. I’m looking forward to read your comments. ‘Stay tuned!’

R. A. O’Rayne

The Return of the King

Publishing of this entry couldn’t be better timed as all Liverpool supporters from every corner of the globe celebrate the first year of our new old manager in charge of the club for the second time in history. A year of lows and highs, a year of lows and lows, a year of high hopes, a year of revival… Whatever you may call this spell of time, it will definitely be borne in mind of every Liverpool fan as a year of the second coming, the return of the King.

He was asked to take over last winter when LFC (Liverpool Football Club) were struggling to get out of the bottom part of the English Premier League table under Roy Hodgson and straight away, right from the first game at Old Trafford it became clear that Kenny Dalglish was the man who could provide the supporters both with hope and belief and with sort of stability. It felt like he reminded the players which club they were playing for. He might not have had the brightest start but what mattered back then was we could see fire in the players’ eyes. Sometimes it’s absolutely unbelievable what a massive difference an individual can make, isn’t it. Kenny raised the team, raised the crowd, lit the whole red part of Liverpool.  Turned out to be a complete revelation.

From his first day in the post of the manager he made it clear that nobody is bigger than the club. A few days later our best striker Fernando Torres left for a ‘top club to win trophies’. Every red was deeply saddened by the departure of the former Kop idol but we were hardly made to wait long for the King to unveil our new strike force – young Luis Suarez and very young Andy Carroll, the former managed to make an instant impact and scored in his first game and the latter is yet to shine, but I believe to shine bright!

We may not consider ourselves serious contenders to win the league title but top four finish looks to be quite realistic a target for Liverpool this season. The glimpses of  past glory in our game now cannot pass unnoticed. Having returned to his spiritual home the Scot is now bringing back the ‘pass and move’ philosophy and priceless principles of LFC. All the above mentioned have to set good foundations for future victories and being back on our way – the Liverpool Way. When we say Dalglish we mean Liverpool, and when we say Liverpool we mean Dalglish. He and only he seems to be the man to bring the best out of the players and bring the best out of himself to give it to the players. If you look at the team now compared to what it was like a year ago – I’d be surprised if you  haven’t noticed a tremendous difference – now we play some pretty attacking football which is easy on the eye and have one of the best defensive records in the league. The King without a doubt is someone you want to play for and it’s so pleasing to see the team being full of passion for the club and football once again. We definitely haven’t completed our quest for that winning mentality but we seem to be well on course for it. The day when we conquer our glory back won’t be long. We now have some good quality squad and a man who will lead through rains and storms. I blindly believe in the King just like he sometimes believes in his players and to me the future looks bright with this wee man in charge. The future is red. We just need a wee bit more of fortune and our eyes will see the glory.

I heard the words ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ a lot of times every week but never they have seemed so full of meaning to me. Now, with the King Kenny back I completely understand what our club is all about and these words will never sound commonplace to me, as I see that no-one at this club really walks alone.

Don’t blame me for being so optimistic. All our support for the club is based upon belief and hope for better.

You may all have different opinions about Liverpool Football Club but you cannot help loving Kenny Dalglish. Just have a look at his smile!

R. A. O’Rayne

The Land of the Gnomes

Wrocław nad Odrą.

I’m totally sure that in this post, every person will be able to find something interesting for him or her, as what I am going to do right now is to drop a couple of lines to pay tribute to those remains of romance, that trifling beauty and endearing absurdity that we still can find in Europe in the age of haughty urbanization and omnivorous globalization.  More precisely – I will write about one of the most fascinating places in Europe – no less than a city inhabited by gnomes.

I can’t guarantee that this place wouldn’t have gone past me unnoticed if I were not the one who was going to study there in the near future. This city is situated in Central Europe, being sharp enough – in Poland, and more dead – Lower Silesia. It is called Wroclaw. It has several names, such as ‘Venice of Poland’ (there are five rivers and over 100 bridges in the city), and ‘the City of Gnomes’. It is the place where the past and the present meet each other to have a couple of glasses of maty honey beer with herbs under the excuse of drinking the future’s good health.

Wroclaw was established in the 10th century but the name of Silesia was first mentioned in 98 AD and quite naturally is overgrown with a multitude of various myths and legends and a lot of them of course are connected with Wroclaw – Lower Silesia’s capital city. I must admit that first I thought that the presence of gnomes in this city had something to do with those legends but as I tried to dig deeper I found out I was wrong.

In fact, you could hardly find any of the cute little sculptures of gnomes, made of bronze of course, untill the beginning of the third millennium. These fairy-tale mates started to invade the streets of Wroclaw only in 2005 thanks to Tomasz Moczek’s mother who had given birth to Tomasz Moczek who actually created the first echelon of tiny invaders. Some of the sculptures were commissioned by the City Council and some by local businesses but all the above-mentioned institutions have failed to keep the sum total of the leprechauns’ brothers from reaching 123, the number which is permanently growing (and while you’ve been busy reading this, the 124th gnome is very likely to have been placed).

GnomeYou might fairly ask – why Wroclaw? Gnomes have been always associated with Zürich. Yes, but there are two reasons why Wroclaw is privileged with the title of the City of Gnomes. The first one – who cares about Zürich? The second –  the forefathers of the modern bronze gnomes appeared in Wroclaw in the 1980s where they were printed on walls by members of  the Orange Alternative Movement. It was a bright remarkable political organisation founded by a student of the University of Wroclaw – Waldemar Fydrych, primarily known as Major. He and his followers preferred to express their anti-communist ideas through graffiti and various ‘silly’ demonstrations. As over night they used to find their anti-government graffiti covered by communist stain, they began to paint gnomes on places of the covered graffiti. It was impossible for the authorities to put the activists under arrest for such an inoffensive harmless thing. But still it worked for Fydrych – the gnomes drew more and more attention to the number of anti-government slogans that had been hidden. Consequently, along with some others, this movement of gnomes contributed in the Communist era facing the final curtain. Thus it turned out to be one of the funniest manifestations of protest ever, and of course, couldn’t help becoming the city’s symbol.

Every one of them has his or her or their own story to tell.  There might not be two gnomes who would look the same but every respectable dwarf (hopefully they will not take this word as offence as for sure all of them know that being called a dwarf is without a doubt nowhere as horrible as tautology) wears a magnificent bonnet. The gnomes have a full right to be considered citizens of Wroclaw and moreover they are its symbols, guards and talismans. You can meet them literally everywhere  – above the windowsills, on the lantern polls and letter-boxes. Wroclaw gnomes can also be detected right under your feet sticking out from the depths of the dungeons. Among all the variety of  these good-natured creatures with long beards there are a football fan (of course he supports Silesia), a very full gourmet, a sleepy guard of the entrance to the dwarfs’ village, a cinema lover, a washer on the bank of the Oder, a prisoner and a postman. There are even two Sisyphuses pushing the ball from the opposite sides (not too clever, is it?).  Ah! And of course don’t forget to give alms to the the needy gnomes – the blind, the deaf and the lame – who are always eager for your help on the main square of the city, Rynek. You are completely wrong if you do assume that you will not have to toil a bit in order to find a gnome. I have no need to remind you but I will – no noble gnome is anywhere easy to find, that’s for sure.

It is a pure pleasure for me to realize that this sort of things still exists in Europe, that we still can experience some minutes of magic amongst our steel and glass jungle. I’d give a lot for a couple of minutes in a fairy-tale and I’m endlessly happy that there is at least one and it’s free. I’m convinced that these wee gnomes make the world better and while looking for them in Wroclaw we at least can do no harm. Wandering around the places like this, I suppose you feel the stream of life losing its velocity…

Thank you very much indeed for reading up to the end and, as a good friend of mine says, stay tuned!

R. A. O’Rayne

By Way of Introduction

‘Creating life out of existence’ – these may not be the words that convey the essence of this blog, but this title definitely covers everything I’m trying to succeed in while posting here, everything I am living in anticipation of all my conscious ‘partially life’.

I used to treat blogs as they are quite sceptically but my opinion has changed drastically the other day, which is clearly shown by the fact that I started this one. The main goal of this blog is to bring sort of order out of chaos of my mind, to make an attempt to catch my thoughts that can be so elusive at times and to put them down.  The blog may seem a waste of time to a certain degree but on the other hand we (well, me personally) waste time so often that it becomes almost impossible to carve a couple of minutes a day to seat back and devote them  to something inside us that is really significant. Something immaterial but what matters indeed. John Lennon hit the bull’s-eye when he sang, ‘life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans’.

It is also important to me to commit to paper (a blog in this case) every single event I’m involved in and find of any interest. At the end of the day no-one would wish any memorable moments to vanish in the bottomless abyss of merciless time as sometimes it is a pure pleasure to travel through this abyss. Not that I would solely like to recapitulate my life, on the contrary – it’s more than welcome to live its own life (just let it not be too private). In my plans this blog is a place for my and others’ reflections on my life,  my life-in-making and my existence.

I cannot promise you that you will find any sort of serious psychological explorations etc. as I’m too prone to literary style, therefore you are going to find a lot of different stylistic devices, irony and sarcasm. I suspect it will to a certain degree resemble James Joyce’s ‘stream of consciousness’ but it is no way that it is going to happen on purpose. As I have alluded before I will do my best to write something as opposed to it as I can.

In conclusion I would like to say that I will be extremely happy to see your comments. You may feel absolutely free to write anything that seems right to you. Be sure, every comment will help and give me some food for thought.

R. A. O’Rayne